I entered Westminster House May 24, 2016. I was reluctant but willing to give recovery one last shot. This was not my first attempt at going to treatment and getting clean. Initially, I was not doing it for myself, my only motivation was my eight month old son. He would be my reason to keep going and not give up. The first few weeks were extremely difficult, to say the least, I wanted to leave. The physical pain was unbearable, but not only that I didn’t see myself being successful at staying clean after tapering off the drugs I was on. I had a great deal of fear around trying to be in recovery and being unsuccessful. Rather than try and fail, I would rather not try at all. I did not want to fail for my son. Furthermore, I liked the person I had become while in addiction, I didn’t know who I was anymore without drugs. I liked my hard exterior, despite being fearful and scared inside. I did not want to peel back the layers and take a look at myself. I knew it would be difficult and take a lot of hard work and although I knew it would be worth it, I wasn’t entirely convinced I was capable.
I arrived at the Westminster House hostile and angry but the women loved me anyways. They didn’t give up on me and continued to love me until I was able to love myself. I persevered through the tough days and despite being given feedback and suggestions I did not like, I listened to them anyways and continued to make changes in my life. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. I started to see the light and decided to continue down the path before me and see where it led. I began getting unsupervised access to my son, something I had never experienced prior to coming to treatment. I built back up relationships with my parents, my sister and my son and began to maintain healthy and respectful relationships with all of them. I became close with many women I was in treatment with, women I am still close with to this day. It had been many years since I had women in my life, in my corner, who I trusted and who trusted me. This was something I didn’t think would happen for me, but I am so grateful it did. I know I would not be able to stay clean without the connections to other healthy women and mother’s in recovery.
I stayed in primary care for four months and then moved to the second stage house where I stayed for another four months before moving into my own place. At just six months clean I gained full custody and soul guardianship of my son. This was all I ever wanted. The fact that I was now living a life in recovery, with custody of my son and had lost the desire to use was something I thought to be unfathomable. Fast forward some time and I am now 18 months clean, enrolled in school and employed at Westminster House. I am a present mother, friend, daughter and sister. I have achieved all the goals I had initially set for myself upon arriving at Westminster House. And I am happy. I am grateful for the little things in life and wake up every day knowing I am living life being the best version of myself. Opportunities in life are endless when a person is clean and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to go through treatment at Westminster House and have the opportunity to a fresh start at life. I would not have the life I have today if it weren’t for being able to build a foundation in the beginning months of my recovery, at Westminster House, and having the help and support from everyone here to learn the tools to stay clean.